hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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