After last night, I could never be a politician.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
