i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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