I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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