You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
