K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
