Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
