I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
