So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
