Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
