so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
