so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
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