youre lurking in front of me
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
