You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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