Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
