nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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