i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
