What did we do last night that was yellow?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
