OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
