Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
