I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
