oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
