Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
