Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
