Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
