Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
