Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
