Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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