Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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