A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
