last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
