i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
