Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
