after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
