found the other keg... it's in the tree
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
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He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
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I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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