I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
