No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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