It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I think my moral compass just broke
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
