Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize