i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
