So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
She is in my trunk
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
