I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
