im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
