Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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