i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
