I think i sorta joined a cult last night
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
