On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
