I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
