his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
