There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize