If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
