It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm like, not good at living.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
