The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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