Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
