i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
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