how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
