I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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