Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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