i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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