i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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