At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
