and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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