it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
