I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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