so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I will be naked everywhere
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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