when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
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